The Biggest Creative Block We All Face (& Four Gentle Ways to Overcome It)
As I drank my tea this morning, I read through the responses to a questionnaire I have sent out to new members as they are joining Flourish: The Art of Creative Living and a strong theme kept coming through.
Members were sharing, “I’m excited AND nervous about Flourish, all at once.” One member actually used the term terrified.
She said she was excited and terrified.
“Hmmm… what could be making them terrified…” I pondered.
And then it made sense.
There’s an article I have wanted to write for the last little while. And now seems like the perfect time.
The topic?
Creative shame.
I’ve been mulling over creative shame for the past months, toying with the concept and the phrase. Slightly unsure if it sounded too heavy and like something that would turn people off wanting to express their creativity. But as soon as I mentioned it to my mastermind buddies Amanda Rootsey and Naomi Arnold, and my dearest friend Hayley Carr, they all responded with a resounding, YES, and a collective sigh of relief.
Amanda said, “Hearing the term ‘creative shame’ allows me to exhale, because it shows there is a name for something I experience but haven’t been able to articulate. And it means other people face it too. It helps me feel less alone.”
And with that, I felt the green light to delve more deeply into teaching about creative shame.
So here we are.
As adults, we all have it. Myself included.
After close to two decades of research and experience, teaching painting workshops, running Flourish: The Art of Creative Living, working with other artists, sharing studios, making documentaries of artist’s creative processes, and also coaching creatives — I’ve found creative shame is something we all face, in one form or another.
It doesn’t matter if you’ve been creating for twenty years or if you have just begun your creative process. It doesn’t matter whether you sell your creations in the form of books, paintings, photographs or sculptures, or if you create purely for yourself — creative shame touches all of us. It is no respecter of experience. We can’t magically ‘arrive’ at a new level of professionalism and no longer have to deal with creative shame.
I’ve spoken to millionaires (in fact, I have a podcast episode with the wonderful Denise Duffield-Thomas coming up soon and she shares how it affects her), and I’ve worked alongside ‘struggling artists’ — and it doesn’t matter. Creative shame is no respecter of financial status, either. You can’t make more money and earn your way out of having to face it.
And it doesn’t matter if we had the most supportive parents in the world, or if our parents didn’t understand the creative process at all, we still experience creative shame. We can’t escape it, it’s built into our culture and we learn it as we grow up, regardless of our nuclear family dynamics. Being born into a perfect family (if there was such a thing!) isn’t the ticket to sidestepping creative shame.
So, how does creative shame show up?
In a variety of ways.
For me, creative shame surfaces in both my inner and outer world. Meaning, in how I relate to myself and also how I think others might perceive me.
Last week, after publishing the first episode of my new podcast, for example, I came down with a cold sore — in the middle of summer! (Usually, I only occasionally get them in winter). I haven’t had a cold sore in about two years, so I knew it was a result of the stress I felt from being vulnerable and putting myself “out there” in the first episode. I was worried I might be misunderstood.
But this is just one example of creative shame. There are a myriad of other forms too, as it shifts into many different guises. Creative shame can show up:
As the tightening sensation in your stomach when you want to join a painting workshop, but don’t, because you’re worried your painting will look terrible in comparison to everyone else’s.
When you sit down to polish up your second draft of a blog post and the thought pops into your head, “Who cares what I have to share?”
When the career counsellor or your parents laughed at you when you said you wanted to be a writer or an artist in high school.
That moment you choose to watch TV after dinner with your family instead of be creative, because it feels like it would be too self-indulgent to pull out your supplies to have a play.
As the embarrassment or disappointment when your skills don’t measure up to the creative vision in your mind’s eye you had hoped to be able to produce.
As the unachievable level of perfectionism that stops you from beginning, or completing, creative projects.
As the fear of being judged when you put your creation out into the world and know other people can now see it. Augh! (I can relate!)
As the idea you’re behind already, so why bother picking up your creativity/sewing/painting/gardening/drawing or trying to complete a program or course when you’re already failing by falling further and further ‘behind’?
As the thought loop that stops you carving out time to create, whether it’s “I’m too old, “I’m too young,” “I’m too sensitive,” “I’m not sensitive enough,” “I have no talent,” “I don’t have time,” I’m already overwhelmed,” “I don’t know where to begin,” “It’s too hard” “I don’t have enough experience.”
In that moment when your art teacher/parent/partner/friend didn’t respond enthusiastically to your latest creation and your heart felt bruised, or even crushed, as a result.
The longer I have been doing this work, the more convinced I am that the underlying root behind 99% of our creative blocks, is shame.
If you’ve read Brene Brown, you’ll know how much research she has done demonstrating the impact shame has on our lives. The depths to which shame inhibits us. Especially when it comes to living a wholehearted, fully expressed life.
If you put shame in a petri dish, it needs three ingredients to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence, and judgment.
~ Brené Brown
And if we want to dissolve creative shame, and not live a life that is constrained by its strong tentacles to keep us from expressing ourselves or standing out from the crowd, we need a few tools up our sleeve to support us through that process.
What We Can Do to Heal Creative Shame
The natural tendency we all have when it comes to shame, is to clam up, keep it hidden, avoid it, not talk about it, and oftentimes, do every possible thing we can to not even feel it.
But the only way we can experience the joy of living a creative life, is if we face our creative shame. Allow ourselves to feel it and lovingly bring ourselves along on this journey of personal discovery and self-expression.
So, first thing’s first. I suggest you…
#1. Give Yourself a Sense of Safety
We cover four phases inside Flourish: The Art of Creative Living and the first phase is Creative Foundations. Here, my overarching focus is on teaching students how to give themselves a Sense of Safety. When we are feeling insecure, unsure, basically unsafe, we have no chance of flowing in the creative process. We need a sense of safety in order to flourish. And that includes a sense of emotional safety too.
We need emotional safety to be able to let go, play, experiment, make mistakes and learn along the way.
There are ways we can foster that sense of safety for and within ourselves:
We can intentionally cultivate a sense of playfulness as we approach our creative projects.
We can surround ourselves with supportive people, affirmations and a practical, supportive and well-ordered environment.
We can give ourselves permission to have privacy during the creative process, away from the critical eyes of others while we are figuring out our messy middles.
And we can develop a loving relationship with our self, where we have our own back and develop a tender heart towards our self and our tentative beginnings, while celebrating every baby step we take along the way.
#2. Find a Supportive Community
Shame needs to be held in dark, shadowy places in order to have power. Bring it into the light of awareness and compassion, and its effects on us diminish exponentially. Sharing our story amongst a supportive, welcoming community, or even just hearing other people share an experience that resonates with our own, can help to nip creative shame in the bud.
Shame loves to have us believe we are the only ones who suffer this way. We are the only ones with this deficiency, lacking what others don’t. Hearing other people share their stories, we discover others also face the same challenges, fears, thoughts or misgivings, and we know we are not alone.
As Brene Brown said, secrecy, silence and judgement are the fuel to make shame grow. When we find a supportive community, each one of those ingredients can be lovingly removed from the equation.
So surround yourself with people who are on a similar path to you, listen to their stories on podcasts, read their books or blogs. Use your discernment to choose a close friend you can talk with about these things or find a community where you feel safe to learn and share, together.
#3. Cultivate Playfulness & Presence
A huge part of Creative Foundations, the first phase in Flourish, is about discovering the five access points to presence. How to bring ourselves into the present moment through mindfulness and tuning into our body.
Why?
Because, it’s only when we are present, that is, not worried about the past or future-tripping about what is around the corner, that we can access flow in the creative process.
Flow is that beautiful state where time takes on a special quality and you’re completely focused, absorbed in the task at hand.
Presence is the doorway into playfulness. We can play when we are present. Funnily enough, playfulness is also a doorway into presence too. Both go hand in hand.
When we take the pressure off ourselves to perform, achieve, or impress, and instead put our focus on being playful, seeing where the breadcrumbs of our curiosities lead, trying things for the fun of it, we are naturally drawn into the present moment. Like a scientist, who is unattached to the outcome but just wants to discover, “what might happen if…?”
We can intentionally cultivate a playful approach in our creative lives by subtly shifting the definition of success we have absorbed through our culture, from being all about the external result and outcomes to focusing on the process and your personal, inner experience along the way.
Pay attention to how the brush feels gliding across the page, the way the blue watercolour paint blends with the yellow to make turquoise, the sweet smell of linseed oil as you dip your brush into the jar.
Notice the sensations in your body as you do this.
Bring loving awareness to your inner experience, and if you hear your inner critic’s voice getting louder, tune into what you can see, smell, taste, hear and touch to bring yourself back into the moment. As you do, you will give yourself enough space to slip back into the joy of experimentation, instead of being prematurely caught up worrying about the outcome.
A large part of creativity is this ability to suspend judgement and instead just see where things lead.
Which is why playfulness and presence are so important in the creative process.
#4. Claim Your Sense of Belonging
Many of us, myself included, often have an underlying feeling that we don’t belong here. We don’t fit in. We don’t deserve XYZ, because we are not enough.
Shame will often have us feel like we are an imposition on others if we prioritise, nurture and express our creativity.
Remind yourself you deserve to take up space on this earth, as much as anyone else. Your story matters. Your experience matters. Your creations, your voice, your personal self-expression, your wellbeing, matters.
My dear friend Jess Ainscough said something very wise to me years ago, when I told her I felt scared about sending too many blog posts or newsletters. I was worried I might annoy people on my mailing list.
Jess said, “Nic, think of the people whose words have helped you along the way. Now, imagine if those people hadn’t written their story, published their blog post, shared their message because they were worried about upsetting someone? How much harder your life would be as a result? Share. What you have to offer is important and can help other people.”
Even if we keep our creative expression purely for ourselves and don’t feel called to share it with the world, we belong. We deserve to prioritise, nurture and express our creativity.
Expressing our creativity is a form of self-care and fosters our overall well-being.
We have the right to uncover the creative gems lying inside us. The right to harness our power to express, create, play and share.
You have so much creativity within you. More than your shame would ever have you believe.
And so, I invite you to be brave enough to dissolve your creative shame, gently face your fears and forge a creative path that lights you up, from the inside.
It doesn’t have to look the same as someone else’s creative path. In fact, it won’t (that’s the beauty of crafting a creative life that is inner-directed — it is naturally unique and authentic, to you).
What will healing creative shame bring into your life?
Shame isn’t something we deal with once and never again. It pops up with each new creation, evolution, growth and transformation. I’m continually navigating through this terrain in my own creative life.
But by using those tools above — by giving myself a sense of safety, finding supportive people to share the journey with, cultivating presence and playfulness and reminding myself I belong and my expression matters — I have experienced more joy, freedom and meaning in my creative life than if I’d allowed creative shame to keep me in check, silent or still — sitting on the sidelines and wishing I could join in.
Through using those tools over and over again, I discovered I could paint a 3 x 12 m commission in the foyer of The Star, a five-star resort on the Gold Coast (it was massive!) without freaking out or having a melt-down.
I have kept experimenting and exploring and I’ve developed a business that allows me to create and share my work with the world, in a way the feels purposeful, meaningful and is aligned with my values.
I have learned we don’t have to go on this creative adventure alone, and sometimes asking for help, learning from a creative mentor, and finding a like-minded community is one of the kindest, smartest things we can do for ourselves.
I discovered I had the capacity to produce multiple exhibitions of new paintings and the courage to share them in galleries around Australia, while still making artwork that excites, inspires and challenges me.
I moved through self-doubt and have written books, launched a new podcast, published hundreds of blog posts, written guest articles, created online programs and most importantly, developed a relationship with myself that is grounded in honesty, love, patience and curiosity.
When we discover how to give ourselves what we need to flourish in our creative lives, we can be truly astounded by what we can create, experience and make.
As author John Amodeo says, “Shame and fear are often the hidden drivers of perfectionism.” If you are a recovering perfectionist (as Flourish guest teacher Cassie Mendoza-Jones so beautifully calls it), then you are in good company. Perfectionism is simply a demonstration of our heart’s desire to not look foolish.
But, when we allow perfectionism to be our dominant experience in life, we give in to shame’s power to stop us in our tracks. We miss out on living a fully expressed life. In contrast, when we unravel creative shame and clear our creative blocks, we make space to step into the freedom, joy, intimacy and fulfilment our heart truly craves.
After years of listening to students, fellow creatives and my own heart, I’ve discovered when we want to express our creativity, yes, we may want to end up with a painting, a sculpture, or a piece of writing. But often, what we really want, is the freedom to be ourselves, to discover our authenticity and uncover what lights us up.
To build a loving relationship with our self and to experience the joy of knowing we have our own best interests not only at heart, but in action and deed too.
We want to know we can rely on, trust, and back ourselves, despite, amidst and through the barriers and blocks creative shame brings up along the way.
We want to live a wholehearted, fully expressed life.
I adore getting to support other creatives on this journey of being gentle with themselves, nurturing their creativity and following their heart. It is my life’s work. The thing that lights me up from the inside.
I count it such an honour to share the journey with you.
And the Flourish member who shared she was terrified? Her full sentence was, “I am both excited and terrified about the year ahead – a wonderful feeling!” And after I replied, she wrote back, “I think everyone should feel excited and terrified, to me it’s a sign of where you have a little work to do!”
Here’s to cultivating a creative life that is true to you.
It all begins with giving yourself a sense of safety, surrounding yourself with support, cultivating your playfulness and claiming your sense of belonging.
Know someone who needs to read this post? Please be sure to pass it on!
May you find the courage to take the next, small step, and be delighted by what you can create when you follow your heart.
I’m cheering you on, always.
With love,
Nicola
PS. If you enjoyed this approach to creative living, you may just love my year-long program, Flourish: The Art of Creative Living. In it, we explore everything from this post, and much more!
We combine mindfulness with practical painting lessons, gentleness with creative project management, playfulness with navigating around the inner critic and tools and processes for bringing to life what your heart deeply longs to create in the world. Exploring collage, writing, photography and painting, you will uncover creative abilities and talents you didn’t even know you had. And it is so much fun, in the process! Learn more about Flourish here.